Well here i am again and i was really hoping since i have been trying every means possible to get my back surgery that i would have had it by now. But i have come to the reality that that is not going to happen as soon as i would like it to. I started this job typing for some friends i know, cuz i figured of all the things i have done in my life typing was the one thing that gives me peace..It helps me stay calm and these people are writing a book and i also have been writing a book about my life and i do mine in the form of a journal. So they liked what i was doing and asked if i would help them out..SOOO i figured "what the heck"...So i started and now the pain just never stops. I guess i should know better cuz it is really hard for me to sit at the computer for any length of time without my neck and back hurting so bad. So i explained to them that i was having a hard time with this and they really don't mind i can do things at my own pace and i really appreciate that***For once in a long time someone out there is being understanding about my pain and they are still giving me that chance***No i am not making any money off of this and that's ok because where i am at right now (broke, no insurance and living week by week with whatever i can get from my husband who is unemployed and doesn't want to give much of his unemployment to his crippled up old lady "well that's what he says anyway"), ....but anyway i am doing this for free because i am that kind of person who thrives on helping others and i finally can help someone and use my brain which is still all there as i am only 47 i haven't lost the brain but sometimes i feel like i am going to lose my mind...If i loose that i will really be up a creek..lol..ok ya gotta laugh sometimes or you would really go crazy, well i do anyway.
I am very concerned about my situation because at the rate the pain is going i really feel that within 1-2 months i will most likely not beable to walk to good because my left side of my back and hip and now my knee are in so much pain, The pain has spread to the knee and down the calf..I don't know really what to do about it. I am not much of a complainer because everyone that knows me knows my situation and they all feel for me but I'm very sure with so much chronic pain for so long they all got pretty tired a few years ago hearing me complain. The only time i complain now is when i turn just right or go to sit down or stand up and that severe pain (you know the kind that is so out of control that you don't know which way to move or to just stay put or what) then i sometimes have this little scream that i do and i dont' even realize i am doing it til i have stopped. I hope that's understandable.Well that pain is happending all the time now and NEVER EVER stops..sometimes it's bareable but lately it's not at all... So anyway I dont want to be in a wheel chair Crap I DON'T EVEN WANT THE PAIN, but here it is worse then it has ever been and i see no light at the end of this tunnel. They tell me if i am in a nursing home that i would be cover ed with medicaid but i don't even want to think about that so i am dealing with this as best as i know how..I really thought with this back surgery that i would be better..The dr PROMISED..well i have been hearing things lately about this doctor and how he cuts anyone open and that made me think that maybe i ought to be getting me an attny since it's the doctors fault..or hospital or somebodies that when i left the hospital on that painful day in April 2006 and came home with the aid of a home health nurse and within 2 days i was back in the hospital with a staff infection so bad that it almost took my life..The incision was so infected that it was like eating away making tunnels and then i ended up in a nursing home for 3 months or so and when i checked some of my blood work up a few months ago i realized for one thing my protein levels were so low that my body would not have been able to heal from a misquito bite..Well after seeing the doctor for the first time about 1 month after i went into the nursing home he actually told me that he did not expect to see me again and no he didn't mean that because he thought i was going to heal ..he said the infection was so severe that it almost hit the spinal cord and he didn't expect me to survive..so yeee haaa i am a SURVIVOR..Well just those words out of his mouth I think daily "Did he really mess me up that bad"??? and as the days and months have went by and i am now in the condition i am in I still wonder DO I NEED AN ATTNY before i think about having another surgery. I was actually going back to this doctor to see what he could do with the pain..The one thing i forgot to say is he also did my neck surgery and he messed that up too and i would not let him touch it again..But he told me that if i had the back surgery it would take the pain from my back as well as relieve alot of pain from my neck..well that didn't happen..so if you are reading this and you have any opinion or experience with a doctor who loves to cut and he ain't that good at it..please let me know, cuz i am really curious what to do here..EVERYONE tells me to sue ..i was thinking i really like this doctor but sometimes the doctors with the best bedside manner are not the best surgeons..i TRY to stay postive but as everyday passes and the pain gets worse and worse it's really hard to stay out of depression. Sometimes i don't even want to get out of bed, talk to anyone, eat, shower...whatever the situation i really get depressed and i really need some words from the wise or the experienced..
So PLEASE say a prayer for me and maybe just maybe i will find the answers that i so desperately need. I don't think i can handle this very much longer but i am trying oh Lord i am trying.so i gotta get off here before my neck falls off.
Thanx for listening
